Friends
I'm reading "Love Life For Every Married Couple" (for the third time!!) because there are elemental truths about my marriage relationship which seem to fade in my mind and heart. It fades I believe because the details of how to love do not come naturally to me. So it's back to the book and I shall try to reinforce what I learned in 13 years of marriage, and to measure against it how I am actually doing. I must be constantly reminded.
In Chapter 9, Becoming Best Friends" it describes a type of love called "phileo" love. The author writes, "Consider these three ingredients of friendship and phileo love: comradeship, companionship, and communication. Each begins with com, the Latin for "together." Comradeship literally means "together in the same chamber or room"; companionship literally means "taking bread together"; communication literally means "possessing together."
Now as I read this it looks like this can be applied to any friendship, not just between husband and wife.
The book doesn't describe it but here are my thoughts on each of those ingredients and how to apply it to the general friendship. (please, you are welcome to differ in your opinion or view).
1. The literal essence of comrades sharing the same room can be more generalized to people sharing the same creed, or the same vision.
2. When people eat there is a sense of relaxation and neutrality. Eating a meal together people do not confront and argue (otherwise they may choke on their sandwich). So companionship can possible by applied in friendship to take the time learn about the other person. And why not do it while eating.
3. Communication has always been about talking and listening in my mind. The literal meaning is probably focusing on the "commune" part of the word. However, when we talk to each other we are not really communicating if we are not listening equally. In a commune, the people share common articles (you get to use it, now I get to use, and so on) and they belong to everyone equally. If when we talk and take over the conversation, we are not communicating or communing.
As we can see, being a true friend is deep. It requires commitment. It requires a lot of effort. It requires selflessness. This is something I learned from my wife early in our marriage. I thought the word "friend" meant any acquaintance, but I was wrong.
In Chapter 9, Becoming Best Friends" it describes a type of love called "phileo" love. The author writes, "Consider these three ingredients of friendship and phileo love: comradeship, companionship, and communication. Each begins with com, the Latin for "together." Comradeship literally means "together in the same chamber or room"; companionship literally means "taking bread together"; communication literally means "possessing together."
Now as I read this it looks like this can be applied to any friendship, not just between husband and wife.
The book doesn't describe it but here are my thoughts on each of those ingredients and how to apply it to the general friendship. (please, you are welcome to differ in your opinion or view).
1. The literal essence of comrades sharing the same room can be more generalized to people sharing the same creed, or the same vision.
2. When people eat there is a sense of relaxation and neutrality. Eating a meal together people do not confront and argue (otherwise they may choke on their sandwich). So companionship can possible by applied in friendship to take the time learn about the other person. And why not do it while eating.
3. Communication has always been about talking and listening in my mind. The literal meaning is probably focusing on the "commune" part of the word. However, when we talk to each other we are not really communicating if we are not listening equally. In a commune, the people share common articles (you get to use it, now I get to use, and so on) and they belong to everyone equally. If when we talk and take over the conversation, we are not communicating or communing.
As we can see, being a true friend is deep. It requires commitment. It requires a lot of effort. It requires selflessness. This is something I learned from my wife early in our marriage. I thought the word "friend" meant any acquaintance, but I was wrong.
posted by Gary at 9:18 AM
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